An Open Letter to My Almost Boyfriend

Camry Thomas
Co-Editor in Chief

I miss you.
I think that should be very clear. I mean, I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t miss you. But here we are. Anyways… We were never a thing. I know that. Although it sure did feel like we were. I liked you. You liked me. I will never understand why we didn’t officialize it.
I miss you, more than anything.
I’m bombarded with the thoughts and memories of you, all the time. I can’t escape them. The memories are my favorite, sometimes. I remember the first time I went to your game (I didn’t know that it would also be my last). I was so confused. But yet I still took interest and pride in you. I always did.
You made me so happy. I don’t think you understand that. I was definitely going through a rough patch in my life, dealing with my anxiety and all. But you helped with that. You made things better, you made me look forward to my day, rather than fear it. You helped me cope with my anxiety. I’m so grateful for that.
I miss you.
I miss your smile. I loved saying and doing things in order to get you to smile and laugh. Oh gosh, your laugh. I love your laugh. My favorite thing about you was your laugh. Second was your smile.
I think you get the picture. I miss you.
That’s why when you left, that fateful day, I kind of fell apart. You texted me that Friday morning, saying you lost everything you ever felt for me. I tried to figure out what went wrong, where it went wrong. I’m still trying. But you left me in the dark. Because of this, I started to lose myself. I lost my sense of stability (which is kind of my fault for depending on you so much). I lost my confidence. I lost myself.
I didn’t know what to do with myself after you left. I was in shock at first. We had planned so many things together, and you just threw them out of the window. I couldn’t stop crying (shocker). I don’t know why you talked to me if you didn’t have any intentions of furthering us. You hurt me, more than you can even imagine.
But I want to thank you. I mean, you taught me a lesson. “Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t want you”. Without you, I wouldn’t have learned that. Without you, I wouldn’t have new ways of dealing with my anxiety. Without you, I wouldn’t have been as happy as I was. Without you, I wouldn’t be closer to finding myself.
I won’t lie, I’m kind of jealous of the girl you’ve met since me. You and her are official now. She makes you happy. I’m glad that you’ve found happiness in her. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I want you to be happy. I hope you two stay together for a long time. I hope she makes you smile and laugh your hardest, even when you don’t want to. I hope she takes the time out of her day to listen to your problems, and talk about your life, and you the same with her (but I know that won’t be a problem for you). I hope she takes interest in the things you do. I hope she takes pride in you. I hope she talks about you with the biggest smile on her face. I hope she never takes you for granted. I hope she knows that you’re a great guy, with such a kind heart. I hope she knows how to deal with your good and bad days. I hope she makes you the happiest you can be. I hope she’s everything you’ve ever wanted. I hope she makes you happy. Because your happiness is the most important thing to me.
I miss you, and this is the last time I’ll write to you.


The Almost Girlfriend.


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